the girly network

My Girly Date

I had lunch this weekend with my friend, Marilyn.  It was catching-up-time after months of not seeing each other. (I love my girly dates!)  When I asked about Lara, she told me that her good friend was in love and ready to move-in with her boyfriend. 

"And her parents are okay with that?", I asked, taking into consideration that we were talking about Latin parents who may be opposed to cohabitation.  According to Marilyn, Lara's parents are actually happy about their only child's decision.  The reason?

"Tiene 28 años y no está casada.  Eso es una tragedia para ellos", replied Marilyn.

Translation: "She's 28 yrs old and not married.  Now that's a tragedy for them."

I thought that was hilarious...I couldn't stop laughing.  There are a lot of "tragedias" in my circle of thirtysomething girlies...although they would argue with the term "tragedy".  I think "freedom" is more like it.

My Wedding Anniversary

"Will you marry me again", I ask Ruds all the time.  "No way, find another sucka", he responds with a smirk.

After 3 years of legally being his wife (and 10 years of being together), I can honestly say that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  Ruds is my confidant, best friend and partner in crime.  We have a strong friendship and have learned to laugh with AND at each other.  I'm a blessed girl!

Ruds, here's to another 50+ years together.  Lucky you...lol.

Little People, Big Personalities

Ruds and I have had the pleasure to witness these two little people develop big personalities. They are both 6 years old, but they couldn't be more different.

JC, my sister's son, is a really tender and lovable boy.  He likes sleeping over at my place and keeps me company while I cook.  We've also bonded over the lettuce dryer...he loves it just as much as I do (btw, it's my favorite kitchen gadget ever).  My nephew genuinely wants to help me with everything, including throwing the garbage out and making my bed.  I couldn't ask for a sweeter little helper.  I'm also amazed by JC's intuitiveness, photographic memory and artistic abilities.  He's super observant. The other day he came over and said, "Tia, I love your new light in the hallway. It's beautiful."  JC is the only one so far who's noticed our new light fixture.

On the other hand, we have Kay, my sister-in-law's daughter. Our niece is really spunky, a tomboy and really a 20-year-old trapped in a first grader's body.  Kay is not your stereotypical "girly-girl"...and I love her for it!  She's not afraid to question adults' decisions or rough-up her 10-year-old boy cousin.  This girl is smart and she knows it. Over the holidays, we took JC and Kay to the American Museum of Natural History and to a local pizza shop.  It had been about a month since their last play date.  Side note: when these two get together, clearly there could only be one person in charge...and she's assumed that responsibility.  While eating our slices, Ruds asked JC how long he'd been sick, since he was coughing quite a bit that afternoon. Before, he could even gather his thoughts, Kay was answering for him.  "Two days", she replied assertively. "How in the world do YOU know?", Ruds asked her. She rolled her eyes with an attitude.  That sums her up in a nutshell.

I'm often struck by how these two little characters defy all the stereotypes...he is not rough and although Kay wears pink, she's far from delicate.  I'd like to inject JC with a double-shot of confidence and toughness, so he doesn't let Kay, or any other 6-year-old, boss him around.  So, how do you teach a kid to get a backbone?  Anyone? As for Kay, well I just want to continue to challenge her mind and encourage her vivaciousness.  She's truly a leader in the making.

'You can always adopt...'

Ruds + Gloria + ?????                                         GR for the girly network

Isn't that what you say to people when they can't have kids?  My Dominican mother-in-law told my husband that the other day over the phone and I thought it was the funniest thing ever.  She's assumed that since we've been married for over 2 years and we're not pregnant yet...we're infertile. I guess the notion that we're not trying hasn't even crossed her mind.   After all, she had her babies in her 20s...so, I think she's nervous that I'm thirtysomething and there's no belly in sight.  Well, at least not that type of belly.

I know that at thirtysomething...my pregnancy risks are greater and my eggs are not getting any younger...but what do you do when you're just not in a rush to be a mother?  My clock just ticks slower and I'm totally okay with that.  The hardest part is constantly explaining to others why we don’t have kids...and dare I say it, that it's been by choice.  It doesn't matter where we are...whether it's a family gathering or a business lunch...the topic seems to be unavoidable. 

I've been through my phases of emotions, when handling the subject.  Two years ago was my angry stage.  The question, "so, when are you having a baby?", simply made my blood boil.  Most of the time, the interviewer was some nosy old lady...the nail salon owner and my new neighbor included.  It seemed that everyone had a license to drill me.  I would think to myself, “¡Dale con la misma preguntadera!” or “here we go again with the 1,000 questions”.  I've been known to run away from that conversation the second I sensed it was coming...like literally run.  If they caught me off-guard, I would say..."oh, we don't want kids" or "we're thinking in 2020" or "one of these days".  I would do my best to change the subject or to give them an answer that would shut them up, if only for the moment.  Ironically, our parents & siblings haven't really questioned our family plans.  I'm assuming my mom is leaving it up to God and la Virgen Maria (Virgin Mary)...and now I fully understand my mother-in-law's silence. 

I'm happy to report that today I'm at a different phase of my life.  I've resigned myself to accept THE question.  The bebé talk no longer ruptures my blood vessels...maybe because after years and years I've come to expect it...or maybe because I can now envision the type of mother I will one day be.  I guess it depends on the day you catch me.

The missing ring on my left finger

                                                                                                                GR for the girly network

Sometimes I wear my wedding ring and sometimes I don't.  What surprises me is how controversial this could be in some circles.  Well, for me, it's by no means a sign of whether my marriage is doing great vs. on the rocks. 

My husband, who religiously wears his wedding band, doesn't get offended that half the times we're out, I've forgotten to wear mine.  He's seen me in action enough times to understand that sometimes I just forget.  After all, any time I leave my house, I run all over the place looking for my keys, wallet and phone.  If I remember, I add my beautiful platinum band to that list.  If I forget again, well it's not any bigger deal than me forgetting to wear my pearl earrings or my favorite bracelet.  I guess my point is that I don't quite understand how this piece of jewelry could lead to such office gossip and ugly assumptions when they're absent.  Personally, my pretty 5-stone diamond ring is a symbol of the commitment Ruds and I made 2 years ago to each other.  It is meant to be a reminder...but the real commitment is ingrained in my brain and in my heart. 

So, what is it about the wedding ring that makes some people feel MORE married?  Is there such a thing?  Or is it that socially, we've come to expect everyone to follow the same lead?  If you've walked down the aisle, you announce it to the world by wearing a ring on your left finger...and if you've said "I do", but you're missing bling, you are headed for divorce court.  I'm wondering, when did this become the cardinal rule?  I've witnessed it time and time again.  One girlfriend stopped wearing her ring the minute she decided splitsville was a better destination.  I also have an acquaintance who conveniently took off her band anytime it was girls' night out at the bar.  Well, you can guess where that couple ended up. 

In any event, the next time you notice your married co-worker with a missing ring...it could very well mean that she's thrown her husband's clothes all over the lawn or maybe she's just a wife with an overly active brain.

Reconnecting on facebook...

 

    ...is much easier when you can identify the people who are trying to befriend you.  When someone who just doesn't look familiar sends me a friend request and I feel like I should know them because we have friends in common, I save their requests.  I look at their photos periodically to see if I recognize any traces of that person I supposedly used to know.  Maybe the eyes?  Okay, what about the smile?  I try to picture them thinner...and younger, since most of us have put on a few pounds and look somewhat hmmm...aged.  I often wonder if people who haven't seen me in years look at my pic and say to themselves 'gosh, she looks way different'...and different not in a good way.  Sometimes, you can't help your initial reaction.  It is what it is. There are some pics of former classmates where I can't help but think, 'Wow, life has been tough on her.'  Other times, I'm struck by how they can look exactly the same way they did x amount of years ago.  I'm secretly sending those girls an email and asking them to spill their beauty secrets.  I'll keep you posted in case they respond. 

a blast from the past

Recently, thanks to facebook...I've had many re-connections from HS Classmates and people I just fell out-of-touch with.  I'm excited to hear from most of them...but there are the occasional people you just have no idea who they are or why they're writing to you...after all, you don't even remember ever having a conversation with.  What's up with that?

In any event, I just got a "friend request" from a guy who I was fairly close to back in HS.  BTW, he falls under the I'm-happy-to-hear-from-you category.  The funny thing is that he proceeds to share with me that he has "a lot to tell me about my boy", meaning my ex-boyfriend.  Okay, a part of me feels even silly to be intrigued...but I am intrigued.  Maybe I need to set the stage...we are talking about my HS sweetheart, the guy who will always be special -even when I turn 50, the captain of the basketball team and protagonist of my love life for YEARS and YEARS, even after we had broken-up...all at the tender age of 17...nearly 17 years AGO...YIKES!!!!  Crap, I feel old when I put it like that. 

Anyway, I do wonder where in the world he is...and if he ever found the soul he was searching for...but I do realize that some things are better left to the imagination...