the girly network

Here's to new beginnings...

Hi Girly-Girls,

Time does fly when you're having fun!  I apologize for being MIA again.  Life happens and before you know it...you look up and a couple of months have passed you by.

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday.  Mine was great...lots of yummy eats (although I don't want to see any more pernil 'til next year...lol), family (we probably had an overdose...I kid, I kid...heehee) and of course Christmas parties (my intimate holiday gathering ended at 7am).  I'm sure my neighbors were cursing me out.  How was yours?

Overall, I'm excited that January 2010 is here.  I can't believe that this month, the girly network turns 1.  Believe it or not, this blog kept me sane as I faced a challenging 2009 (like so many of us) and your feedback always put a smile on my face.  So, I want to thank you, girly network reader.  I really appreciate all the support.

Here's to growing that girly network circle in 2010!

Abrazos,

gloria

My Girly Date

I had lunch this weekend with my friend, Marilyn.  It was catching-up-time after months of not seeing each other. (I love my girly dates!)  When I asked about Lara, she told me that her good friend was in love and ready to move-in with her boyfriend. 

"And her parents are okay with that?", I asked, taking into consideration that we were talking about Latin parents who may be opposed to cohabitation.  According to Marilyn, Lara's parents are actually happy about their only child's decision.  The reason?

"Tiene 28 años y no está casada.  Eso es una tragedia para ellos", replied Marilyn.

Translation: "She's 28 yrs old and not married.  Now that's a tragedy for them."

I thought that was hilarious...I couldn't stop laughing.  There are a lot of "tragedias" in my circle of thirtysomething girlies...although they would argue with the term "tragedy".  I think "freedom" is more like it.

No Meal For A Man

As newlyweds, for some reason, our relatives would always ask what we had for dinner.  I think they were either concerned about us getting the right nutrients or my "good" wife skills.  My bet is on the latter.

"What are you cooking during the week?," my mom asked me on a Sunday while I was over at her house.

"We haven't been cooking because we get home so late," I responded.

"So what do you eat?," she inquired.

"Cereal with milk," I said nonchalantly.

"Cereal con leche?," my mother repeated in disbelief, while laughing nervously.  "Well don't tell your mother-in-law that."

"Why not?," I said cracking up, knowing exactly what she meant between the lines.  "It's a perfectly light meal at 9pm." 

"If I were you, I wouldn't advertise it", she said.

Shortly after that, my sister-in-law, who is no Paula Deen herself, calls to check up on us. Ruds told her we were having dinner and she asked THE question. 

"A bowl of Cheerios," my hubby confessed. 

"But that's no meal for a man", she responded. 

Ruds and I were laughing for days!  I must say though, that  after 3 years, I've discovered some fast-meal recipes that do the trick of filling up the bellies.  The days of bowls of cereal are not completely over...but now we mix it up a bit.

Monday Morning Rant

Here's an early Monday morning rant...there's nothing that boils my blood more, than a man "pssting" at me.  Okay, that...and calling me "mami".  Those two will set me off. 

 

Note to man this morning on Queens Blvd:  If you think that's a compliment, think again.  I don't appreciate being called like a dog...thanks. 

Today's Girls

A teenage girl walking down the street with her arms around her boyfriend...and his hands on her butt, that's a bold girl.  A 15 year-old girl sitting on her sweetheart's lap at a family party...that's what I consider a liberal familia.  A H.S. sophomore laying in bed watching TV with her novio, with the door open or closed...is she suicidal?  Maybe not...after all.  

My mom would say that today's girls "no tienen verguenza"...they have no shame.  I would say they're bolder because their environment is allowing them to be.  Now, is that good, bad or just different from how we were brought up?

I will say this...I found myself gasping for air when I saw that my cousin, a 100% Latino man, allows his teenage-daughter to hang out in bed with her boyfriend...and that it's normal for them.  Grant it, they were fully clothed and watching a movie.  Am I officially a vieja for thinking it's inappropriate?  That would be soooo far from okay in my parent's household.  It would be considered downright disrespectful and I'm not sure I would be here, typing away right now, if I was that teen girl. 

Now, I'm not claiming that I was an angel as a teen.  I did commit some PDA "offenses"...but of course, when my parent's weren't looking.  I even had a few friends who were sexually active at 15.  That's no different from today's young ladies.  I don't want to sound like a prude.  In fact, I think girls need to be armed with information about sex so that they can protect themselves.  For our girls' sake, parents can't be naive.  But flaunting it in public...is that a different story?

I guess my overall question is...are girls losing something by displaying so much PDA or are we hypocrites for frowning upon it?

I cheated on my manicurist

     I arrived this Sat morning, extra chipper to my nail salon. Aside from being in a good mood because it was a gorgeous day in New York City (nice breeze and bright blue skies), I felt like I needed to make-up with my manicurist. You see...I've been going to Jenny, on and off, for close to a decade. I love her because she's the sweetest lady and a perfectionist. Jenny genuinely wants you to walk out of there with your nails looking impeccable...and she works extra hard every time. I have to say that even after going to fancy nail salons, I always keep coming back to this humble nail spot...and Jenny is the only reason why I do. The owner is another story.

Anyway, you may be asking...then why would I cheat on my manicurist? Let me explain. I had an important meeting last week and I needed to look presentable. I walked in to the Queens nail salon the day before my meeting and she was booked for the day. So I did what I had to do. I had her new colleague do my nails and I didn't think anything of it...'til I stopped by last week to make an appt. and she gave me a half-smile.

So,back to this morning...I get there and again she's kind of quiet and not as happy to see me as usual. My brain goes off with a thousand questions. Is it too early in the morning for her? Did it bother her that I had someone else touch my nails? Is it my imagination or just my guilt? Is it silly to feel guilty? I immediately texted Reg, my friend and also Jenny's customer.

"I think Jenny is mad at me. The last time I was here, I had to get a mani with the new lady. Now I'm here and she's not as chatty," I wrote to Reg.

A second later, my phone rings. "Don't mention my name at all. I don't want Jenny giving me the cold shoulder because of you," my former roommate instructs me.

"But it was an emergency," I replied.

"Well, you needed to go somewhere else for that", Reg advised, laughing.

Oh man...did I break some sort of unspoken rule? The good news is...that by the end of my hour with Jenny, she was back to normal. We were talking about her kids again...and she even asked me about "my roommate". I told her Reg was doing great.

Our Friend...The Therapist

Isn't it funny how I'm on a first-name basis with my friends' psychotherapists?  No, they've never met me personally, but anytime I want to drive a point home...or hear a neutral point-of-view, I ask..."What did Beverly say?"  I wonder if their ears ring every time we say their names.

The other day my girlfriend was having boy trouble.  Another classic story of naughty-guy-full-of-drama crossing your friend's path and she's tempted.  Haven't we all been there?  "What did Anna say?", I immediately asked, assuming she had told her therapist all about this flirt.  "She said he has to work out his issues before he could be ready for a relationship", my amiga confessed.  I think that shrink knows what she's talking about...in other words, stay away!

I wonder if therapists know that they're a part of a tight girly circle or what Wendy Williams calls "friends in my head"...if only by osmosis or our imagination.

Bradley Cooper, Dulce y Guapo

       

 Bradley Cooper charming the print press at a red carpet event                       gr for the Girly Network     

Is it me or is everyone still buzzing about Bradley Cooper?  The ladies are admiring...(ahem) his many talents and the guys have accepted him as one of the boys, thanks to his role in "The Hangover".  (If you've seen this movie, you'll know why after 9 weeks, "The Hangover" continues to be in the top 10 at the box office.  In a nutshell, It's silly humor that will have you cracking up, non-stop, for 2 hours.)

I met Cooper this past spring, before the Us Weeklys of the world cared about which hollywood estrella he was courting.  I was field producing a Tribeca Film Festival red carpet event and he was the last celebrity to arrive that night by himself (no entourage).  He was styling with a camouflage baseball cap, his signature scruffy look and to my pleasant surprise, an unassuming attitude. 

Yes, he had me at "hello"...lol.  The first thing I noticed when he spoke to me were his ojazos, although it wasn't his celestial eyes nor his bright smile that made him attractive in my book (although that helps).  It was his demeanor when the cameras stopped rolling that did it for me. 

My videographer and I were packing our stuff when I noticed that he was still answering questions for the print press (People and Life & Style, among others).  That's unusually nice considering a lot of celebs, while on the red carpet, tend to run away from them.  I don't know why that is...I'll have to ask a PR person about that one.  Is it that their old school tape recorders are not as glam as the HD video and digital cameras? 

Anyway, I thought Cooper's behavior was very sweet, especially because "no one" was watching.  Let's hope that this newly-found fame doesn't change the man.  I liked that humble Cooper I met on the red carpet. 

It's Personal Space 101...

I hate to sound like the grumpy old lady, talking about parenting, a topic that I don't have first-hand experience in (this is my disclaimer)...BUT, I'm sorry...I have to vent.  I just think there are some things that are common sense.  I know we're not all born with that gift...but when you don't teach certain things to your children, like respecting others' personal space, you have to know you're borderline neglectful.

The other day I was at my doctor's office.  I was talking to the receptionist, Lara, when a cute 3-year old walked-in and immediately approached me without saying a word to yank my hoodie's zipper...and wouldn't let go.  I had to pry her little hands off of me.  I was a bit stunned at her aggressiveness for such a tiny person and even more baffled to watch her mom witness the whole thing and not say a word.  "Maybe she was in a daze and missed what her daughter did?", I thought to myself, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.

A few minutes later, the same niña went to Lara's desk area and grabbed a toy truck (they keep a small stash of goodies behind the counter) without asking for permission.  The receptionist called the little girl over and told her that she could play with the toys...as long as she asked first.  She calmly explained that going behind the counter was off limits.  The little girl nodded her head in agreement. The mom, along with everyone else in the waiting room, heard the exchange.  The mother didn't seem the least bit concerned with the situation and just continued to flip through her O magazine.  

That agreement was short-lived.  A few seconds later, she was back for more.  She snuck behind Lara's chair, who was busy talking to a colleague, and grabbed a children's book from behind the counter.  Lara saw her from the corner of her eye and interrupted her conversation to scold the child again.  "Please return that book. You didn't ask for it", she said.  The 3-year old returned the item and ran back to her mother's side.  The receptionist was fed-up with this intrusive little girl but clearly more frustrated with the mother who wouldn't say a peep to her child.  She had had it.  "Miss, can you please keep an eye on your child", she said.  The mom kept reading and ignored her completely.  "Miss, I need you to keep your child away from this area", demanded the annoyed receptionist.  The mother didn't even acknowledge that someone was speaking to her and finally called her daughter over.  "Caroline, stay right here", she said quietly, without ever making eye contact with Lara.

I was in disbelief.  I felt like shaking the mom and asking her if she realized what a disservice this was to her daughter's development.  How could you think it's ok to not have boundaries or respect for other people's space?  ¿En que cabeza cabe eso?  I know she was only 3-years old...still a cute preschooler with pony tails...but does the mami realize how it's NOT going to be cute when she's 8-years old?  If she doesn't respect others' personal space, how can she demand others to respect hers?  Maybe this lady doesn't think it's all that important of a lesson to teach, but I really felt bad for the child.  Socially, she's going to have a tough time.  Finally, how could the mother have an attitude with the receptionist, when her child was...to put it bluntly...a pain in the butt?  I don't get people sometimes.

Tampon Virgin

 

I met a thirtysomething-tampon-virgin this week and I'm not surprised.  After all, I'm guilty of being a tampon virgin up until my late 20s.  Our conversation went something like this...

    Micaela: I'm so upset. I just got my period and I had plans to go to the beach on Friday.

    Gloria: Wear a tampon.

    M: Sheila me dijo lo mismo, pero yo no se. (Sheila said the same thing, but I don't know.) I've never worn a tampon.

    G: Don't worry.  I just started using them in my late 20s. Girl, once you try them, you'll never go back.

    M: Well, I'm 31 and never tried it! It's all the bad stuff you hear when you're young.

    G: I know, that 'it's no good for you, blah, blah, blah'...

    M:  I was always told that was for "Americanas", (code for white girls), and I've never tried it. I'm scared.

    G: Trust me, it may feel weird at first but it's great to walk around freely, without a huge maxipad.  Especially in this heat.

    M: I'm used to the big fat pads that go from here to there (pointing from the top of her crotch to her butt).

    G: Those days are over for me.

    M: Really?

    G: You should try it.  Whatever you do, don't get the cardboard applicator.  They're too rough.  Get the Pearl tampons that have a plastic applicator. It's much easier to slip it in.

    M: And if I get in the water, you won't see a trail of blood?

    G: No girl. That's not going to happen.  Besides you have a few days before you get in the water.  Your flow won't be as heavy.

    M: Okay. I'm nervous but I'm going to give it a shot. I really don't want to miss my beach day. 

    G: Let me know how it goes.

I still have to pinch myself to believe that I was the "expert" in that conversation.  I can totally relate to Micaela.  I was a late bloomer and it took me a long time before I would even give my now trusted Pearl tampons a shot. 

Who's to blame for our hesitation?  Our old school Latin moms.  "Eso es solo para mujeres (only for women)", my mami would say the few times I had the courage to ask her about using tampons.  When she emphasized the "women", she clearly meant sexually active girls.  Since that didn't apply to me, I didn't question it.  After all, the tampon had the potential to deflower you...that according to my mom.  I stuck to wearing my Always pads when Aunt Flow payed a visit...the pads with wings were for everyday use, the thin pads were ideal for light days and the super thick ones (the overnight pads), a.k.a. my diapers, were a must if I wanted to avoid an accident on my bed.  

It's funny to look back on those days.  I know for sure that my daughter, if I ever have one, will have a Latin mom with a different philosophy.  I know I didn't need it for sports as a teenager (I wasn't born with an athletic bone in my body)...but do you know how many accidents I could've avoided back then?  I'm just glad I finally had the courage to try it out for myself...better late than never. 

Anyway, I'm curious to hear about your experience.  Did your mom talk to you about tampons?  Did she discourage you from using them?  Do you think it's a Latin thing to dissuade teens from using tampons...or just an old school mom vs. modern mom outlook?