the girly network

Bookclub: The Secret Life of Bees

My girlfriends and I have a bookclub that meets about once a month.  I really enjoy our meetings...we chat about books, gossip about celebrities, share funny stories and usually chow down on yummy eats.  It's so much fun. 

This weekend we'll be discussing The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd.  I enjoyed the book and would recommend it.  I thought it was easy to read and full of tender moments.  It actually made me tear up...although I have to be honest...It doesn't take much to get me to cry.  The book takes place down south in the '60s.  It's about a teenage runaway girl trying to come to terms with her mother's death and finds maternal love (and also a crush) in all the unexpected places. 

The one line that stands out for me the most...and that makes me think...is this notion that forgiving is so difficult that "people, in general, would rather die than forgive. It's that hard."  I think it's true.  Forgiving is extremely hard for a lot of us (I know it is for me)...but it's so necessary for our peace of mind and happiness.  I'm a true believer that forgiving is more about being kind to yourself, 'cause you're not carrying all that junk that's weighing your spirit down, and less about the other person.  Mental note: I need to work on that.  In any event, I think Lily (the main character) realized that in order for her to fully live and to enjoy the love around her, she'd first have to forgive herself, her mother...and even her father.   The other nice thing about this story is that she was able to recognize that she was surrounded by love...the "black Virgin Mary" sent her not one mother, but multiple loving moms.  Sweet story.

'The Glass Castle'

 Beware...once you open The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, you're not going to be able to put it down.  It's a compelling autobiographical story about how the author learned, at a very young age, the true meaning of "survival of the fittest".  She overcame extreme poverty, hunger, neglect, child abuse and...the list goes on and on. 

Walls shares some very disturbing anecdotes about her childhood.  She tells you, in a neutral-tone, what it was like to live with a delusional mother and an alcoholic father.  It's up to the reader to come up with her/his own conclusions.  It broke my heart to learn that she and her siblings had to rummage through dumpsters to find something to eat, while her mother sat at home because she simply didn't want to work.  Her father drank away the little money they had, equally contributing to their dire situation.  In their twisted "parenting" ways, they did one thing right...they instilled a love for books and knowledge.  What's really inspiring about Walls' story is that despite or because of her background...she's been able to accomplish so much for herself.  It's amazing to see her optimism and lack of resentment.  In the midst of such turmoil, her spirit was bruised, but never broken.

instant judgment

My dad was in the hospital earlier this week for "age & dehydration", that according to his chart.  The first time I went to visit him in his hospital room, I was met by his roommate's eyes. My instant thought was, "Is he an Aids patient?". I felt horrible for thinking that....and kept beating myself up for even allowing that thought to have crossed my mind.  About an hour later, 2 doctors came to see him and were asking him if he knew where he was. Softly, he replied that he was at St. Vincent's hospital. They corrected him and informed him he was at a different hospital, in a different borough. They explained to him he had a mass in his brain and they needed to do a biopsy.  He refused and said he wanted to go home.  I felt really bad for him...and somehow worst for my conscience.  A few minutes later, 2 ladies that struck me as social workers came to his bedside. "Are you aware you're HIV positive?", they asked.  "Yes", he whispered. "Are you depressed?", the social worker asked. "I don't know" was the patient's answer. 

At that point I had heard enough.  I felt uncomfortable staying in the room any longer, I mean... whatever happened to privacy rights?  (Side note: I have a question for those of you who work in the medical field, is this even legal?  It just seems sooo inappropriate to reveal a patient's health status for strangers to hear.  Come to think of it, they did it to my dad too...but somehow that didn't bother me.  Who cares if his roommate knows he has diarrhea...but a brain tumor & HIV?  Come on, closing a cloth curtain doesn't seal anyone's ears.)

Back to my quick judgment...I was right after all.  I immediately thought of the book, Blink by Malcolm Gladwell.  The book is about the conclusions we make in a blink of an eye.  Gladwell talks about the  important information we gather in just 2 seconds.  So, what did I see in that instant when I first walked in, smiled and said hello to my dad's hospital roommate?  I saw gloomy eyes, a lanky guy with feminine features who was laying down in a fetal position.  Is that really enough evidence to come up with a correct "diagnosis"?  I'm not convinced...but where in the world would I get that from?  When I try to rationalize it, it just doesn't make any sense to me.  Is it supposed to make sense?  Could it have been a coincidence?  BTW, no...I'm not gifted with psychic powers. 

All these questions with no answers.  Maybe I should go back to square one...re-reading the book.  It made sense when I read about the topic...but somehow a different story when it actually happens.