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Jan 28, 2009

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Okay for those of us who are not married yet...we don't sympethize cause the questions on everyone's lips for a single gal like me is..."Cuando vas a encontrar un valiente"? or "When are you going to find a brave soul"? Mine even come from all over the world, like California, Florida, and even a little country named El Salvador. As a matter a fact a few weeks ago I got a call for my bday and there was the question again echoing at the end of the phone receiver. Questions come at any interval with your life, whether you are single, married, have kids, don't have kids. It's something unavoidable I think. My answer always has been "you will be the first one I call". The humourous approach seems to serve me best. Laugh off the kiss off you have given the nosy neighbor, the interested friend, or desperate mother's and grandmother's.

Thanks for your comment B. Margarita. I think you're absolutely right...the questions are inevitable, no matter what stage we're in.

Glad you've found humor to carry you through...believe me, you're going to need it, even after you find your "brave soul".

It's not only the ladies that get this question - I can attest to that. I think I get asked at least once a week, minimum. And the funny thing is - it's usually the same people... My nosy colleagues... and some others. My "USUAL" response is - "We're thinking about it". Although, I regularly adjust the length and detail of my reply depending on who's asking. Nonetheless, I agree with you that some people feel they have the right to ask [in my opinion] such a personal inquiry. On the contrary, I hope that I don't go around asking people what they consider to be a personal questions... But, beyond common sense - how would I know? AND HOW WOULD THEY KNOW???...

Geez, that's one of the questions me and Mark get whenever we're with family, "When are we getting married??" "When are we having kids??" My older brother loves to ask me if I made him an Uncle yet whenever we come back from vacation. My response is "No, you're the older one we're waiting for you to have kids first". I used to have a co-worker who said that women who don't have kids are not women. You just have to laugh at some people's ignorance. Not everyone is meant to nor should they have kids. I told Mark if we don't get pregnant naturally then we would have to adopt. I'm not going thru IVF, it may should selfish but my body has gone thru enough. I know that I wouldn't handle all those hormone injections gracefully. lol My acupuncturist asked when we I was going to have kids that I'm not getting any younger...I laughed and said I know, especially since in a week I will be turning 36!! I want kids, I want to get married again but I'm not going to rush things because everyone feels it's time.

Hey Gloria, I found your blog through your facebook account. I read your entries - and I love them! You are a great writer. Are you the Latina Carrie Bradshaw? :-)

Your last entry really resonated with me. What it comes down to is this; society still thinks that a woman's single purpose in life is to have children. And that is SO not the case for us anymore. I get tired of being asked, "Don't you want to stay home with Rory?" In my head I'm like, "Good God, no!" But what I always say is "I'm a better mother because I go to work every day." And it's true. I love my job - it's such a big part of who I am. Dare I say - equally as important as being a mother. Yes, I said it. To me, it is. But, I can't say that to many people. Thank you for giving me a place where I feel I can say it and not be judged. I have so much more to say - but this is your blog! ha ha! Cuidate nena - and I love why you named this the girlynetwork.

I forgot to add two things to my last entry. One, it doesn't help when you have a family member of the same gender and same age as you having kid, after kid...and after each birth you get: "When are YOU going to have kids?" And two, I think there should be an honorable mention to the nieces and nephews that do fufill that child in your life experience with the bonus of having them part-time which means you can actually enjoy them and then giving them back. I know with a child of your own...it's 24/7. The other day I took my niece to buy ice cream and let me tell you...it was a bit hard not to forget I had to keep my eyes on her like a hawk. Making sure her seat belt was on, making sure I held her hand to cross the street, making sure she was right next to me in line. God, I was exhausted by the time we got home. And now that my other niece is coming from LA I'm pretty sure I will be on Auntie duty a lot. So I think even though I'm not a mommy yet, I am getting some of the child experiences via my cousins and sisters children. And to me that counts. That counts a lot. With the bonuses of being able to spoil them rotten, and not having to save for college tuition.

Gloria, I sympathize cos I am not a girl and am not even married and I still get asked by my relatives about kids. I think they have gotten tired over asking me "when am I getting married?" instead have skipped over it all together to "when am I having kids of my own?". And like you, my brother certainly hasnt set a good example by parenting 2 really adorable kids.

Hi Bharat,

Thanks for your comment!

I think it's hilarious how your family has skipped over the "when are you getting married?" question...to "when are you having kids?". I think for me, my nieces and nephews have bought me some time. They're no longer begging for grandchildren. I guess your family is just focused on spreading the good-looking genes :)

Best,
Gloria

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